Deciding to Divorce

When a couple decides to divorce they commit to an emotional as well as legal divorce. It is common for individuals to bury their vulnerable feelings and lead with anger. Unfortunately anger doesn’t resolve differences or create balanced decisions.

It may seem irrational to think you can make wise legal decisions while experiencing emotional chaos, but that is what you must do. With the right help you can unfold your arms and learn the tools that will help you accept the emotional challenges – so that you can focus on future goals. Bottom Line: How you move through the divorce process will ultimately affect your ability to build a new life for you and your family, so make sure you have good support.

Divorce Recovery

Divorce is one of the most painful events you can experience. Whether you initiated the divorce or were given no choice, you are likely overwhelmed with sadness, anger, anxiety, and guilt. Grief is also a big part of divorce. You are not only grieving the loss of a relationship but also the loss of future dreams. It is crucial that you allow your feelings rather than pushing them aside.

The question is not whether you will survive. You will. The more important questions relate to how you go about taking back your personal power.

  • Are you willing to work through your feelings in order to heal vs. become bitter?
  • Are you willing to move from simply coping to actively taking control of your life?
  • Do you value forgiving yourself as well as your partner?
  • Do you value examining how you choose a partner?

How long does it take to regain your emotional balance? It usually depends upon how long the two of you were together as well as variables such as:

  • Have you been independent in the past?
  • Was the relationship once healthy and rewarding?
  • Was the divorce unexpected?
  • Did your partner immediately move into a new relationship?
  • Have you fallen back into seeing each other after the divorce?
  • Did the relationship produce children?